Reflections on my interests in academia

Everyone says that college exposes you to different experiences that affect you for the rest of your life. In my case, my college experience has ignited a passion that makes my work more rebellious and self-proclaiming rather than exploratory. As a woman in college, there are certain things to consider that a man would not think about. For example, I cannot wear a skirt without being called unflattering names such as "shawty" or "little mama" by men I pass in the street. I must be selective when making my schedule because the time and place of a class matters due to the fact that walking on Georgia State University's open campus at night is not safe for a woman. I also must defend my experience constantly because it is not immediately taken into consideration by people who either have it easier or don't have to think how I do. This is my reality on the surface; however, the experiences I have had that often get silenced is what truly frustrated me and doves deep into what I face as a woman.

In college, one aspect that everyone will experience at some point is the partying. It is just a part of the culture. As a freshman, it was new to me as I never attended parties that were remotely similar. I learned very quickly that at parties, girls will get touched and most of the time it will be sudden and not expected. For example, a girl is dancing with their friends and suddenly feels hands on her waist from behind. She may or may not welcome it or even see the guy's face. Another example is if a girl walks past guys within a crowd, she can expect to feel hands on her backside; but, because there are so many guys, the girl will never know who actually touched her. At first, I was uneasy but being around lots of people who are either tolerant of it or even encourage it allows for acceptance. It becomes one of those things that you do not necessarily like but it is something that will happen and you learn to deal with it. Some end up liking it and some do not. As for myself, one experience of mine changed my attitude about this forever.

I was attending a party on campus with the same atmosphere. To avoid being touched, I stood in the back of the crowd; however, I still had a male walk behind me, grab my backside, and say "Ooh I like that!" It was one of the most shameful experiences I ever had in my life. Sure, the male meant it as a compliment but in that moment, he made me feel like a piece of meat and not the educated, beautiful woman I identified myself as. My whole mood changed and I left the party early without my friends, feeling exposed. The next day, I tell my friends of the encounter and they laugh and say things like, "Well, what were you wearing?", "That just happens at parties.", and "Oh girl, that happened to me too but it was nothing." In that moment, I felt so angry. How could my friends accept such behavior? Did they not value themselves more? Was it just a fight they felt they could not win? These are the questions I began to ask and started to look to my studies to find the answer. As I reflect on my experience, I realize how this turning-point occurrence and complementary bias formed afterward have morphed my interests and have ultimately been the driving force behind my work. A scholar in academia I aim to always highlight Black women’s experiences.